CONGRESS LEGISLATION

A Bill to Require Speech & Debate Education in Secondary Schools

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. All secondary schools that receive federal funding must henceforth make at least one full

3 academic year of speech and debate education—that is, a two-semester course specifically

4 and primarily devoted to the development of skills related to public speaking, rhetoric, and

5 argumentation—a graduation requirement.

6 SECTION 2. A secondary school is defined as a school that matriculates students in grades 9-12, though

7 the requirement may be satisfied as far back as grade 6.

8 SECTION 3. Failure to comply with this legislation shall result in reduction or suspension of federal

9 funding until compliance is reached. The decision to suspend or reduce funding, and how

10 much to reduce if applicable, shall be at the discretion of the Department of Education.

11 SECTION 4. The Department of Education shall oversee the implementation of this legislation, which

12 shall include creating and managing a system for assessing, monitoring, and promoting

13 compliance.

14 SECTION 5. This legislation shall take effect on July 1, 2025.

15 SECTION 6. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Bill to Halt the Transportation of Munitions through the Gulf of Aden

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. Congress orders an immediate halt of the transportation of any and all munitions through

3 the Gulf of Aden for at least one year and until such time as the geopolitical situation in and

4 around that area becomes more peaceful and amenable to such conduct. This halt shall

5 apply to munitions manufactured in the United States being transported on any marine

6 vessel and to all United States marine vessels carrying munitions, regardless of their origin.

7 SECTION 2. This legislation shall be overseen by the Department of Defense, which shall act in

8 conjunction with the President after one year to determine whether it is safe and

9 appropriate to resume transportation of munitions through this seaway.

10 SECTION 3. This legislation shall take effect immediately upon passage.

11 SECTION 4. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Bill to Increase Fusion Funding

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. Congress shall begin diverting $5 billion annually from the Department of Defense budget

3 toward that of the Department of Energy for the express purpose of nuclear fusion

4 research. Specifically, this funding is to be used to support the quick and safe development

5 of nuclear fusion technology that can be utilized to produce vast amounts of electricity

6 inexpensively, and then to the implementation of said technology as soon as is practicable.

7 SECTION 2. Nuclear fusion is defined as a process wherein two or more atomic nuclei combine to form

8 a heavier atom, resulting in the release of energy.

9 SECTION 3. The Department of Energy shall be tasked with the implementation of this legislation,

10 which shall include conceiving of, developing, and executing the best systems for bringing

11 about these goals.

12 SECTION 4. This legislation shall take effect at the start of the next fiscal year.

13 SECTION 5. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Bill to Set an Age Limit on the Purchase of Energy Drinks

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. The sale of energy drinks to any persons under the age of 21 is hereby banned.

3 SECTION 2. Energy drinks are defined as any beverage containing more than 150 milligrams of caffeine

4 per liter.

5 SECTION 3. All states and territories as well as the Federal District are instructed to levy the same

6 criminal penalties on violators of this law as would be applied for the sale of alcohol to

7 minors in that jurisdiction. Any jurisdiction that fails to comply with this directive shall lose

8 50% of federal highway funding until such time as compliance is reached.

9 SECTION 4. This legislation shall be overseen by the Food and Drug Administration.

10 SECTION 5. This legislation shall take effect on January 1, 2025.

11 SECTION 6. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Bill to Remove Insurrectionists from the National Statuary Hall

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. Any individual who has been convicted of insurrection or rebellion against the United

3 States may no longer be honored or represented in the National Statuary Hall.

4 SECTION 2. The statues representing Jefferson Davis, Alexander Stephens, Joseph Wheeler, James Z.

5 George, Wade Hampton III, Zebulon Baird Vance, John E. Kenna, and Edward Douglass

6 White must be removed. The states responsible (Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, South

7 Carolina, North Carolina, West Virginia, and Louisiana) are ordered to arrange for the

8 removal of the offending statues within one year of the passage of this legislation and are

9 encouraged to replace them with statues representing more positive figures as soon

10 thereafter as is practicable. Congress urges these states to donate the removed statues to

11 the Smithsonian Institution.

12 SECTION 3. In the future, should any statue representing an insurrectionist or rebel against the U.S. be

13 furnished for inclusion in the National Statuary Hall, it shall be refused.

14 SECTION 4. This legislation shall be overseen by the National Statuary Hall Collection.

15 SECTION 5. This legislation shall take effect immediately upon passage.

16 SECTION 6. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Resolution to Condemn Lunar Desecration

1 WHEREAS The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has contracted with private

2 companies United Launch Alliance (ULA) and Astrobotic to transport scientific instruments

3 to the lunar surface onboard the Peregrine lunar lander, which launched on January 8,

4 2024; and

5 WHEREAS ULA and Astrobotic also contracted with the companies Celestis and Elysium Space to

6 transport human remains to the moon onboard that same lander; and

7 WHEREAS No one nation has or should make a claim to the lunar surface, nor that of any other

8 celestial body; and

9 WHEREAS The depositing of human remains on the moon or any other celestial body is scientifically

10 unnecessary and not worth the offense such an act might cause to peoples all around the

11 world who share in the majesty of the heavens; now, therefore be it

12 RESOLVED by the Congress here assembled that NASA’s recent association with lunar desecration is

13 roundly condemned as unnecessary and disrespectful; and be it

14 FURTHER RESOLVED that Congress implores ULA and Astrobotic to do their utmost to abandon or

15 reverse any aspect of the Peregrine mission that will result in the disposal of human

16 remains on the lunar surface, and further implores NASA to leverage its power to help

17 bring about this abandonment or reversal; and be it

18 FURTHER RESOLVED that Congress calls on all organizations, both public and private, to refrain from

19 engaging in such unnecessary and potentially offensive conduct in the future.