Congress Bills

A Bill to Deprivatize Social Media

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. Congress shall exercise its rights of eminent domain to appropriate all social media

3 corporations with more than 50 million monthly active users within the United States, as

4 determined by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). Upon acquisition,

5 Congress shall provide just compensation to these corporations’ owners, with fair market

6 values being determined by the Department of the Treasury.

7 SECTION 2. Congress shall work with the FCC and the Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division to

8 consolidate all acquired corporations into a single nationalized social media platform that

9 provides an open online forum in which residents and citizens of the U.S. may exercise

10 their First Amendment rights without violating one another’s constitutionally protected

11 civil rights. No fees shall be charged, but the platform and all funding for acquisitions

12 shall be sourced from corresponding decreases in the Department of Defense budget as

13 necessary.

14 SECTION 3. The 42 USC § 1862w(a)(2) definition of a social media platform shall be utilized: “a

15 website or internet medium that—(A) permits a person to become a registered user,

16 establish an account, or create a profile for the purpose of allowing users to create,

17 share, and view user-generated content through such an account or profile; (B) enables 1

18 or more users to generate content that can be viewed by other users of the medium; and

19 (C) primarily serves as a medium for users to interact with content generated by other

20 users of the medium.”

21 SECTION 4. This legislation shall be overseen by the FCC.

22 SECTION 5. This legislation shall take effect on July 1, 2025.

23 SECTION 6. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Resolution to Encourage the Negotiation of a Coastline for Ethiopia

1 WHEREAS The Federal Democratic Republic of Ethiopia is by far the world’s most populous

2 landlocked nation; and

3 WHEREAS The lack of a coastline is increasingly creating unsustainable challenges for this budding

4 global power; and

5 WHEREAS The situation as it currently stands presents a major risk of war in the Horn of Africa,

6 which would not only have devastating humanitarian consequences for the people of

7 that region but would also create enormous economic hardship across the globe; now,

8 therefore be it

9 RESOLVED by the Congress here assembled that the United Nations is called upon to begin an

10 immediate and concerted effort to negotiate on behalf of Ethiopia a lawful and mutually

11 beneficial annexation of the territory of one or more of its neighboring nations that

12 separate it from access to the ocean—those nations being the Republic of Kenya, the

13 Federal Republic of Somalia, the Republic of Djibouti, the State of Eritrea, and the

14 Republic of the Sudan—to establish a corridor, however narrow, that allows Ethiopia to

15 set up and utilize a functional seaport; and be it

16 FURTHER RESOLVED that Congress commits to considering how it may leverage its powers on behalf

17 of the United States to contribute funds and other resources to the affected nations that

18 might lead them to accept a favorable deal enabling this territorial transfer.

A Bill to Set Sustainable Student Maximums for the Nation’s Teachers

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. All schools within the United States are directed to assign no more than 90 students to

3 each teacher within a given school year, and to assign no more than 25 students to a

4 given class period.

5 SECTION 2. Any federally funded school or school district that violates this legislation shall lose said

6 funding until such time as compliance is reached.

7 SECTION 3. To support compliance with this legislation, Congress shall increase the annual budget of

8 the Department of Education by $10 billion, with these funds to be used to support

9 schools in hiring additional teachers and building additional classrooms as necessary.

10 SECTION 4. This legislation shall be overseen by the Department of Education.

11 SECTION 5. This legislation shall take effect on July 1, 2025.

12 SECTION 6. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void.

A Bill to Increase Representation in the National Statuary Hall

1 BE IT ENACTED BY THE CONGRESS HERE ASSEMBLED:

2 SECTION 1. Congress hereby invites the territories of Puerto Rico, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands,

3 American Samoa, and the Northern Mariana Islands to contribute one statue each to the

4 National Statuary Hall in Washington, D.C.

5 SECTION 2. This legislation shall be overseen by the National Statuary Hall Collection.

6 SECTION 3. This legislation shall take effect immediately upon passage.

7 SECTION 4. All laws in conflict with this legislation are hereby declared null and void

A Resolution to Encourage Sustainable Meat Consumption

1 WHEREAS The United States leads the globe in terms of per capita meat consumption; and

2 WHEREAS The farming of meat is a major contributor to greenhouse gas emissions and is

3 detrimental to the environment in many other ways; and

4 WHEREAS These factors together reveal that more sustainable and less frequent meat consumption

5 within the United States could make a substantial difference in the fight to combat

6 climate change; now, therefore be it

7 RESOLVED by the Congress here assembled that citizens and residents of the United States are

8 encouraged to limit their meat intake; and be it

9 FURTHER RESOLVED that Congress commits to modeling this modesty by adjusting menus and meal

10 offerings at the U.S. Capitol and associated functions accordingly.

A Resolution to Amend the Constitution to Establish a Zero Tolerance Policy for Violence on the Floor of Congress

1 RESOLVED that the following article is proposed as an amendment to the Constitution of the United

2 States, which shall be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the Constitution when

3 ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states within seven years from

4 the date of its submission by the Congress:

5 ARTICLE —

6 SECTION 1. Any sitting member of Congress who is found to have threatened, or committed an act of

7 violence against, a fellow Congressperson or against any guest of Congress shall be

8 removed from office and barred for life from once again holding Federal office.

9 SECTION 2. Congress shall establish a committee tasked with reviewing alleged acts of violence,

10 whether threatened or executed. The committee must include at least one member from

11 each party for every 50 House seats or five Senate seats held by that party in the U.S.

12 Congress. If there are sufficient unaffiliated members of Congress to qualify for one or

13 more seats, they may convene to select representation as well.

14 SECTION 3. Removal from office shall require a two-thirds majority vote from said committee.

15 SECTION 4. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.